My Life As a “Wannabe Rockstar”
by Elisha Alladina
“As a child, I'd been doing a lot of projects. Starting and finishing projects; personal ones, and professional ones, with deep roots. Both pretty and un-pretty, and very comparable to polishing silver, because gold is hidden deep inside”
Studio magic began at home for me in Toronto, within the confines of being a MuchMusic and Bollywood music fan at an early age, and family and my music teachers making beautiful music and art over the years, which served as big influences on me. Ma, a nurse, and my grandparents loved to draw pictures for me, it calmed me down. Pa, who was an auto parts store owner, was also in a band playing keyboard and guitar, and he had a wedding photography business, which I helped with as a teenager when he had gigs. I still remember I would quickly get acquainted with DJs at reception halls and talk about 80s and 90s music with them, and enjoyed dancing.
Over the years I took different extra-curricular classes and enrolled in gymnastics, swimming, and skating, but I had musical interests of my own, and took piano lessons throughout my childhood as well, making remixes of classical and R&B songs on my Yamaha keyboard, which I would record on cassette and bring to school for my peers to hear.
I started writing poetry in 5th grade. My teacher Mr. Chandler gave me a lot of book reports to do, which I enjoyed, including a creative one in the form of a book burger.
He also gave me an A for my angry, erupting volcano where I used pepto-bismol and water, before a time when I learned in science class at a later date to add water before adding a chemical.
A classmate had muttered “Yeah right” as my 10-year-old self announced “I will now make this volcano erupt”, and that marked my first time overcoming stage fright and having the power to control reactions in the audience when the volcano made a big mess in the classroom. I felt I had made magic with this eruption when my classmates gasped in disbelief.
I was the best speller in class, and had received yearly “creative writing” “young author” “spelling” and “book bug” awards throughout elementary school. That year, we each wrote a poetry book, and I began my creative journey from there.
It was the early 1990s at this point, and the PBS show “Ghostwriter” aired on TVOntario (TVO). The same year, TVO Kids was launched between television shows, and they were requesting music and art pieces from viewers, so “Ghostwriter” was the first (rap) song I wrote,
It went something like this:
"Ghostwriter ghostwriters always on the case
But he doesn't really have a face"
But That’s no prob cause the writer is rob
And there’s Alex and Gabby who had a job
Lenni is nice, Tina is smart and Jamal has a really good heart
Hector is cool but Calvin is a fool
"This is the end of the rap
Let's hear TVO kids clap!!!!"
I never ended up sending it to the station.
But anyway, that was my first brush with writing a song.
Two more poetry units in later school years were coupled with occasional piano gigs.
When I reached high school, I wanted to be a singer and to be able to dance with grace. I took vocal lessons at the New Conservatory of Music, and won runner-up prizes in the form of trophies two years in a row, for singing Janet Jackson’s “Again” and Mariah Carey’s “Hero.” I also did a duet with my baby sister to Barbara Streisand and Celine Dion’s “Tell Him” and we won second place.
I studied the dance moves of my favourite artists’ music videos and concerts over the years, and won second place in the Dance category at Toronto Metropolitan University’s Star Search competition, where I free-styled dance moves while channeling the emotions I got from watching the music videos and concerts tapes, both from VHS and from VH1, courtesy of satellite signals!
After writing, singing, and dancing, the next logical step was Canadian Idol! It started as a running joke when friends told me to go for it, but it became a reality for me for about a week during its last season.
“Canadian Idol eh????
Yes sir, My best singing recital
Competitive stress with
Celebrity judges to impress
Was exploding backstage
Soon enough, we would be
Centre stage and
Glued to the spotlight
With No trace of fight or flight
They Expected belts and screams
But I had sweeter dreams
Resorted to classics
With no use for gimmicks
They wanted prototypes
With Identical vocal pipes
Refusal to conform
And Would rather be authentic
In Top form.
Canadian Idol top 125 folks!
Thank you”
I made the top 125 after 24 hours of waiting for vocal screenings, which I passed, and led to auditioning for the celebrity judges a week later. Michael Jackson’s “Man In The Mirror” and Heart’s “Alone” were the tunes that got me in, at a time before those 80s songs gained popularity again in the late 2000s. However, I got a case of camera shyness when it was time to meet the celebrity judges, messed up the words to Alone, and didn’t go further. Thankfully my mishap didn’t make it on television!
But after this experience, I started singing cover songs at open mics, fundraisers, and on one occasion, at the Canadian National Exhibition’s (CNE) Rising Star competition. I recorded some original music as well that I held onto for years. The sessions were like music therapy for me.
A decade after being engrossed with a fulfilling career in social work, I wrote spoken word pieces on a whim and shared them at weekly poetry events in the city. Eventually, I shared poetry and acapellas of original songs, got my poetry published in zines, anthologies, and publications during and since the Covid-19 pandemic, released a poetry chapbook “Internal Eyes”, and finally released my music on all streaming platforms, with an upcoming single, Fearless, in the works; childhood dreams come true at last! It’s never too late to follow your dreams, no matter how big or small.
Exploring my creative side from childhood to adulthood, which not everyone got to see before the rise of the internet and social media, enabled me to share my hero’s journey of chasing the “Canadian Dream” and trying to “make it” in the art scene.
This is my story, a memoir as a wannabe rock star! Thank you.
Elisha Alladina is a social worker, published poet, expressive artist, and singer/songwriter from Canada. She has had 15 poems and a children’s short story published to date for various zines, anthologies, and online publications, as well as a poetry chapbook, Internal Eyes(2022). Her song/poem Christmas Candles was nominated for Publication Of The Month on spillwords.com, and is available on all streaming platforms along with several of her other songs.